Why I fight

I step through the ropes every time I have the opportunity.

And every time I am scared.  

I do it to practice facing fear.  I practice being uncomfortable and surviving.  I practice protecting myself.  I practice fighting back, mentally and physically.  I practice digging deep to find more fight when I don't think I have any left. I practice getting up when I have been beaten.

We don't know when something incredibly difficult is going to happen to us emotionally or physically, so I am purposefully strengthening my body and fighting spirit so I will be ready.

Each time I face this fear and physical challenge and overcome it I become stronger.  It gives me the confidence that I can count on myself.  This is why I fight.

Hey, do you feel like doing Haymakers for Hope with me?

 “HEY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE DOING HAYMAKERS FOR HOPE WITH ME?”

by Amy Fielding

Written for www.haymakersforhope.org

December 2015

“It's a commitment for both people to do this if you are married or in a relationship. When your spouse comes home and says, 'I think I'd like to do Haymakers for Hope', I think that the statement should probably be translated to  '"Hey, do you feel like doing Haymakers for Hope with me?" because your spouse is in it as well.” - Chris Fitzpatrick

When Margie Kelley signed up for Belles of the Brawl 2013, she and her husband, Chris Fitzpatrick (Rock-n-Rumble 2015), saw the experience as a challenge for the entire family.  They have two children. Margie knew she couldn’t succeed without their support.  The supporting spouse is an integral part of the fighter’s team, and it is no easy job.  Chris committed, and held down the fort, which allowed Margie to focus on her training and her personal fight against cancer.

Haymakers for Hope, whose mission is to KO cancer by literally fighting for a cure, produces amateur boxing events, currently in Boston and New York City.   Fighters like Margie fundraise and have helped Haymakers for Hope (H4H) to raise over $4.3 million to fund important research.

Then the tables turned.  Chris asked Margie to do Haymakers with him!  

“When Chris started training, we got in the groove of our swapped roles fairly quickly. It was great to be able to talk about training in a new way because now we both knew what it was like to be pushed so hard. I think I was able to help him to know what to expect, and he also got to experience and appreciate all that I'd accomplished in training camp. I was also just so excited for him, knowing how amazing the experience was going to be for him.”

They were able to appreciate both roles, and what they had done for each other.  Margie says “the H4H experience was definitely a new way to connect and celebrate each other's accomplishments”.  

Her advice for other couples entering the ring?  

“Try and remember what it was like for you, either as the fighter or support staff, because in the next event, that's gonna be the other person's job!”

Two other power couples have strengthened, and maybe tested, their vows by sharing the Haymakers experience.  

Katie “Braveheart” Sullivan fought in the original Belles of the Brawl in 2013 with Margie.  Her husband, Dan, and their four children spent the long summer supporting Katie in her training.  Soon after Katie’s bout, Dan decided that he also wanted to do Haymakers.  “The energy that I felt during the event, the new friends that she met from the gym- becoming great friends because of the journey that they endured - were big reasons for me to do this. I’ve always cherished my college athletic years as an amazing bond of teamwork - friends trying to get better, and I craved this sense of the “locker room” feel that I had in my 20’s. I could also see the huge sense of accomplishment that she felt.  I knew that I wanted to share that with her for the rest of our lives, and it wouldn’t come from doing a marathon or a Tough Mudder event.  It  had to be a difficult journey that would help me grow.”  

Dan went on to fight in Rock -n- Rumble 2014.  The Sullivans were in training for a year and raised over $42,000!

Reflecting on their fight year they now wonder how they managed since these days it seems to be a challenge just to find the time for a workout.  They look back on that special year very positively.  The teamwork and emotional discussions are what Dan remembers most. “I was opening up to her like I’ve never done before.  I remember one day just being so tired and sore- that I was hoping to come down with a cold so I didn’t have to spar that night, and she talked me through it.”  

Having a spouse who has been through what you’re experiencing is very helpful and bonding.  Knowing that they “get it” is sometimes all that you need.  Katie says that although they had nearly identical emotions throughout the journey they coped very differently.  “Dan didn’t cry!”.  

Seeing your spouse work so hard for something and then reach their goal brings forth an overwhelming amount of pride.  Watch Dan’s video and you’ll not only hear Katie cheering the loudest, but you’ll actually see her jump up onto the ring in excitement!  

As for life after H4H, Katie says that their experiences have definitely brought them closer. They have a new bond of both being part of the Haymakers family.  There is an additional layer of respect for each other and shared perspective.  “We’ve always known we were a great team. Going through this experience, after 20 years together, provided us some great insight. We embarked on the boxing journey for individual reasons but now know that we will support each other no matter what comes our way.”  

They say that the kids survived, and are definitely more independent because of their busy year in training!   Their biggest hope is that they’ve set an example for their children that you can achieve difficult goals, and that it’s important to surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed.   

Katie and Dan now enjoy watching boxing together.  It is something new for them to do that reminds them of their cherished shared experience.  You can still find them in the gym sharing a bag, or sparring a new Haymaker every once in a while.     

Their advice to other couples considering entering the ring?  

“To have this experience in your household, one that you will always share, is both rare and totally awesome. You quickly get back to normal life after the adrenaline rush of fight night wears off but you know you will always have each other’s back, and it gives you a special family grit to get through all the challenges that you will inevitably face in your future. You choose to do something painful and difficult for four months but in the end, you get a gift that would be impossible to create any other way. Our advice: go for it!”

Victoria and Bill Kane also fought in back to back events (Belles 2014 and Rock-n-Rumble 2015).  As for their family of four being in training for a year Victoria says that the first half (her training) was easier.  (I personally take offense to that as I was her sparring partner. ;)  “Bill was really supportive. Still, as more months went by, it meant a lot of time at the gym for the kids, and a lot of single parenting as one of us seemed to be at gym most nights or weekends.”

Bill decided he wanted to do it not long after Victoria's fight.  “We talked about the commitment and the impact to the family, then decided to go for it. The fact that you raise money for a cause that is close to home (cancer research) added to my desire to give it a try.”

Back to back fundraising was not a problem for the Kanes.  They raised over $9,000 each!

Having paved the way, Victoria feels that she was better able to support Bill because she understood his inability to focus on anything other than training.  She knew the routine and understood all the emotions that came with the good nights and bad.  

They both agree that it was a powerful experience for their entire family.  “The kids witnessed their parents pushing themselves to the limits, committing themselves to something they believe in and getting bloodied up.  Strangely, I think it was a really positive experience for them and the kids both workout at the gym from time to time.”  

Their advice to other couples considering fighting?  

“Do it together if you can and support each other.  This is a difficult challenge and it helps to have your significant other in your corner. You'll be better equipped to deal with the day to day. One after the other makes this a really long journey but it's well worth it if you can make it work.”  

Interestingly, so far in H4H couples history, it has been the woman who fights first.  Victoria jokes: “Bill knew I was the tougher one when we started this journey and that still holds true. :)”  

Boston sign-ups are currently underway for Rock-n-Rumble 2016.  Will any spouses be asking “Hey, do you feel like doing Haymakers for Hope with me?”.    

***Amy “JP” Fielding is a mom of four who fought in Belles of the Brawl 2013.  She discovered a love of writing while blogging her training experience at http://lipstickonmygloves.blogspot.com/.  She is now a proud coach at FA Boxing and advisory board member for Haymakers for Hope.  .  

Food Fight

 

Food is a daily fight for me.  What to eat?  How much?  When?  I'm up a pound, I'm down a pound. I would say that I've always eaten healthy, but looking back that is definitely not true. My Husband signed up for a 30 day paleo nutrition challenge and he asked me to join him. I cringed when I heard the word paleo. It never made sense to me.  I guess because I spent the last 4 years of my life as a vegetarian trying to be a vegan.  Although I do eat meat now (I started during my boxing training), I fundamentally still believe it is wrong.  I've just sold out because it is hard to feed my kids with celiac disease and lactose intolerance a strict vegetarian diet...and because meat is delicious.  My food philosophy is that if God made it then it is good for me.  I don't think God created animals for us to kill them. Maybe I'm wrong.  I don't know.  It just seems wrong when there is so much other great food to eat...which leads me to beans.  God gave us beans. They are a source of protein and are delicious so why are they forbidden on the paleo diet?  And corn?  And rice?  Why can't you eat them? They sound healthy to me.  The bean thing seriously annoyed me.  I decided to get over my bizarre issues and do it with him to learn how it would affect my body, and see what everyone was talking about.

So here goes 30 days without dairy, grains, sugar, gluten, caffeine, soy, legumes, alcohol, and most importantly...diet coke!  I got up to 3/day and I'm quitting cold turkey.  

Day 1:  (Starting weight 132.0 after a weekend of binging) We did a very good job of shopping and preparing food last night so it made it easy, plus I was excited for a new challenge.  I ate a lot (more than usual) and felt fine until 6:00 when I absolutely crashed.  It took all my energy just to stay awake until the kids went to bed.  I was useless. The only time I really wanted a diet coke was in the afternoon when I woke up from napping with John.

Day 2:  (129.2) - I lost 3 lbs in one day after eating all that food?  Probably not.  My body is probably just regulating itself from my weekend binge, but it was enough motivation to keep going because I woke up lethargic and grumpy!!!!!  Didn't want to work out but I made myself do what I could.  I actually tripped and fell doing side shuffles.  Pretty sloppy.  Useless at 6pm once again.  Absolutely useless.  I ate SO MUCH food today trying to stay awake.  It's crazy.

Day 3:  (129.6) - Woke up feeling more energetic today.  Not 100% in my workout but just glad I went. I'm eating like a linebacker.  I can't believe how much food I'm eating.

Day 4:  (129.1) - Skipped gym today to do errands.  I ate a lot less today.  I'm not as tired or hungry (and didn't work out).

Day 5:  (127.9) - Wow!  I guess eating less made a big difference.  Down another 1lb+.  Had to skip the gym again today to do things.  I didn't eat much but did eat a big meal really late.  I felt really guilty about that and wondered how it would affect the scale.

Day 6:  (128.7) - Not working out and that big late meal showed on the scale but it's temporary.  I did a double boxing session today and stuck to my diet even at a birthday party.  Funny.  I wasn't even tempted by the cake.  I have no cravings.  The sugar must be out of my system.  I am satisfied and feel really good.  I am so confused and shocked that I don't miss my diet coke and don't have headaches from lack of caffeine.

Day 7:  (127.5) - I went out with friends last night and cheated with a few glasses of wine, but when surrounded by pizza and all sorts of great food, I was not tempted.  I stuck to my antipasto red peppers and pepperoni and then some very late night beef jerkey on the way home. haha!  Today I also cheated with some home-made gluten free pancakes...it's a family tradition I'm not going to give up.  We went to the movies today and I was well prepared with a bag of salt free mixed nuts, carrots and guacamole with a seltza water.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and didn't miss my twizzlers and 200 oz diet coke!  Who am I?!?  I'm sure I'm just on a high of feeling so great and I won't be this good forever, but for now, I'm doing great.

Day 8:  (128.2) -

Day 9:  (127.4) - I had a great workout yesterday, and ate well.  I had large meals and one snack.  I love the fact that I am not counting or even thinking about calories.  I eat whatever I want whenever I want as long as it is in the rules.  The rules seem very restrictive, but because I'm not counting calories it feels very liberating.  This is probably the perfect weight for my body.  I feel amazing.  If I could just maintain this I'd be very happy.

...and that is where I stopped journaling daily because I went on a complete bender!  I think I got cocky that I hit my goal weight, add in some social events with alcohol, my son's birthday, etc... and I stopped eating paleo for 8 days.  I remember texting my friend to tell her that I had french bread and M&Ms for dinner one night!  My weight quickly returned to my starting point and I felt disgusting.

I was disappointed in myself but I got it together and finished strong ending the challenge, feeling great, at 128.

I'm thankful that I took the paleo challenge.  It was enlightening to learn how my body responds to different foods by eliminating them and reintroducing them, paying close attention to how I felt.  I don't like counting calories.  Who does?  On paleo I can't emphasize enough how much I can eat.  I never count a calorie.  I eat til I am full and eat whenever I feel I need it.  I have never eaten this much in my life, but yet I drop weight or am able to maintain when I am disciplined. My body processes natural food easier and faster I guess.

I have decided not to label the way I eat anymore because sometimes my needs change.  I make my choices as clean as possible, with cheat days here and there, and I have found peace with that.  Now I have a restart button, a plan that I know works.

It's empowering to know that if I gain a few pounds I know how to get it off quickly by returning to clean eating and exercise.  I used to panic.  Now, I remain calm and just get back to the basics, confident that I'll be back to normal in a few days.  (I recently gained 7 lbs on a 5 day vacation, only to lose it all within 4 days.)

Interestingly, it is not all about the numbers though.  I've had 2 recent experiences that have taught me this. First, a very fit woman, taller than me, shared that she admired my figure. She only weighed 119lbs but I was leaner.  Second, I learned that a good friend whose figure I really admire sometimes outweighs me by 5-6 lbs.  I never would have guessed this.  I would have estimated that I outweighed her by nearly 10.  So I've learned to not freak about the scale. I pay attention to how I feel and how my clothes fit as much as I do the scale.

I have learned so much from my food successes and failures.  I encourage everyone to go on a food challenge.  Everyone's body is different so only you can discover what's best for you.  

Know this though...Sugar is the enemy.  I believe this is true for all of us.  It is in everything! The tiniest amount left me wanting more. It was a Kind bar with only 4g of sugar that started my bender.  Serioulsy, I got one taste and I felt like a crack addict manicly searching the house for more.  When I consumed zero added sugar I dropped weight, looked less "puffy", had amazing energy, felt like a million bucks, and had no cravings for junk food...even at birthday parties and the movies.  Honest to God, no cravings for junk (if you know me you know how huge this is). It definitely takes a mental adjustment but once you get into the groove it really isn't hard to avoid it. Just eat real food, and you'll feel so much better.  My energy level without it is unbelievable.  Go HERE to learn more and take the 10 day sugar free challenge. 

In order to be successful at sugar-free,  paleo or clean eating...whatever your goal is...you should BE PREPARED.  On Sundays during the challenge we would cook our meat for the week as well as chop our vegetables so everything was grab and go.  We'd always have nuts and other good snacks on hand everywhere we went. If we didn't do this we would inevitably get hungry and make a bad choice, which often leads to more bad choices (French bread and M&Ms for dinner?!?!?!).  As I type this I am eating a slice of pizza because I didn't cook my chicken last night and I'm too hungry to wait for it.  Ugh.

It is a constant fight, but I will not give up.

Here's a good article. 

Halfway to Haymakers: A message to current and future fighters

Congratulations, Haymaker!  You’re halfway there...and you have not quit (some have by this point, you know).  You’re probably wishing the fight was next week because you don’t know how you’re going to do this for 7 more weeks.  I very clearly, and quite seriously, remember often thinking at this point “if I hit this bag hard enough I may just break my hand and this whole thing could be over”.  I tried.

The first half of training you could be sustained by the cool factor.  “I am a boxer”.  “I am in training”. The event seemed so far away that it didn’t quite feel real.  Your friends and family were in shock that you were doing this, and that was entertaining.  It was new, fun and exciting.  Although it was physically demanding you were on a high because you were embarking on something big. Something most others are not willing to do.  You felt special.

You are over that. Now you are halfway through training and you have sparred your future opponent. (Yes, we know you were holding back...so was (s)he and don’t forget that for a minute.)  Now it is real.  The mood has changed. You are in training for a FIGHT.  A fight that everyone in your whole life will see - live!  A fight that will be on Youtube and the Haymakers for Hope website for the rest of your life.  No, not everyone can win (in fact, half of you must lose even though you have worked and fought just as hard), but you plan to win, and you certainly don’t want to embarrass yourself.  You are now feeling the pressure.  It is intense.  You are also physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.  You have obstacles.   You are traveling for work.  Your kids are sick of going to the gym with you.  You have a minor injury.  Whatever it is.  You have to overcome it.  You must continue.  You’re going to have nights that you get beat up so badly that you will cry...or want to.  You’ll also have good days that help to keep you going.  You hopefully have a trainer that can carefully lead you through both.  

I want you to know that all of these feelings are normal, and everyone feels the same way if they are giving this experience 100%.  Don’t feel alone.  Talk to your teammates if you’re lucky enough to have them, or to current or past Haymaker friends, your trainer and sparring partners.  Just knowing that someone understands how you’re feeling helps a lot.  Commiserating with someone who is going through the same challenging experience is powerful and bonding.  You may find some of your very best lifelong, foxhole friends in the ring.  

You have just added fundraising to the long list of your anxiety and responsibilities.  Do not stress about this.  Seriously, don’t.  It starts out slowly and you may feel that you won’t make the minimum but it is like a wave that gains more and more power as it gets closer to the shore.  Just keep telling everyone what you’re doing, keep the fundraising link as your email signature, use social media, send letters or emails to your network, ask friends to share your story, blog your experience if you choose, and it will happen.  Sharing parts of your journey along the way really helps people to feel connected and invested so share pictures and training stories whenever you can.  Remember, ticket sales count toward your fundraising and those really pick up at the end.  

A beauty of the fundraising is the timing of it.  Just when you are feeling completely overwhelmed by training, the donations and words of encouragement start hitting your inbox.  Soak this in.  Read every message and gain strength from it.  Appreciate every donation no matter how big or small because it means that someone cares.  They are supporting you and lifting you up, filling you with their energy and love to help you stay strong.  I remember getting a very generous anonymous donation one day while I was waiting for the kids at the bus stop.  This donation not only got me to my current goal, but it came with this Arnold Schwarzenegger quote:  "Strength does not come from winning.  Your struggles develop your strengths.  When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”  It happened to be exactly what I needed to hear at the time because I was struggling.  I just started weeping.  It felt like a strong, warm hug and it fixed what was feeling broken that day.  There were many moments like that.  Receiving support from old friends and new, family and even strangers will help you remember that you’re not alone, that you’re doing this crazy thing for a great cause, and that you are loved.  It will sustain you the rest of the way.  

The days will start to go by faster and training will most likely become more intense (sorry, but it’s true).  The countdown is on.  As you feel the pressure intensify I hope that you’ll trust your training. You’ll find peace believing that you have done and seen it all in training, and that you can handle whatever happens that night.  Also, remember you are doing something incredible.  You are not only helping the important fight against cancer, but you’re also transforming yourself.  

You will never be the same after this experience.  Becoming a fighter, and a member of the Haymakers for Hope family,  is joining a small club of very special people who can push themselves beyond their limits, can stare fear in the face day after day and overcome it, can train as athletes, are tough enough to take all the punches, who have a fighting spirit, who never give up even when they want to...all while helping others.  It is an elite club and you will forever be a member.   After spending 4+ months getting punched in the face every day everything else in your life will be in proper perspective, and you will draw upon your fighting experience to help you through any tough bumps in the road. You will be stronger than you ever were before.  This experience will always be in your back pocket.  

What helped me immensely the days leading up to the fight was to focus on how FUN the night would be.  It’s a celebration of all of your hard work! Haymakers puts on a great event.  People from all parts of your life will be there.  Your fight is only 6 minutes of this epic night.  No matter if you are first or last, enjoy every single second of the evening.  The real gift is in the training...the friends you made, the sacrifices and hard work that made you stronger, the discipline you discovered you had, the skills you learned, the support you felt, the money you raised, and the amazing new muscles! The grand event (when else in your life are you ever going to have an entrance video?!?) is icing on the cake!   

So, leave it all in the ring. Hold nothing back.  It’s only 6 minutes of your life.  Make it great.   A message our trainer gave us that really fired me up is that fight night is when you get to show the world what you’re really made of, and no one there will ever look at you the same again. (Think about that for a minute.)

Also, just think...the second the final bell rings your life is yours again!  You can eat and drink whatever you want, and you never, ever have to be punched in the face again (if you don’t want to)! You’re almost there.  Stay strong.  As Muhammad Ali said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, Don’t quit.  Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”

In your corner,

- “JP”

My Haymakers for Hope Photo Album